just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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