I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
