I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
