He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
