At least make sure they are 18
Why
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
