if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
