I will die if light touches me.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
