Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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