the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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