So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
