we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
