I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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