don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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