I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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