My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
