Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
