We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
