On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do vagina's smell?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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