Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like death gave me a hand job
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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