if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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