I wish I only lived at night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
tell me about the eggs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
