somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
