i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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