I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just high enough for therapy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
