youre lurking in front of me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
