im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
