I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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