Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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