I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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