part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
