we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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