Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
