my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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