I need help removing her.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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