i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
