No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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