Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
