I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
