i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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