i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
