I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
