The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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