the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
