i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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