if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize