Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
