I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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