Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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