Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
