glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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