I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
where does the pee come out of this thing
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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