Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
