I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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