I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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