yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
