There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
